South African pop idols 2009 : The Bloodfeast

Pop idols. Never in my years on this rock has there been so much to dimish the association of pleasantness one is suppost to experience in association to the words "talent competition". I don't mean to imply these are the least talented people I've ever seen in a talent competition , just that in any competition worse that this one you at least had the pleasure of hurling peanuts.

Now I've never been a big fan of the pop idol franchise. I did however consistanly watch this season. Whilst every moment of watching it was like the gang raping of my nervous system , it seemed far too important to miss. Something like if an asteriod was flyng in a trajectory dangerously close to striking the earth and you just need to keep an eye on it in case. One felt if you didn't keep a watchful eye and provide much needed critical observational commentry to those in your immediete surroundings, the social fabric keeping civilisation together might tear apart at the seams.

I don't know when I fully realised how bad this show was...but it was very close to around about the time that the whole singing part started. In fact you could probably argue there's a strong correlation to be made there somewhere. None of the f#cking contestants could sing for sh!t !(And I don't even like that song.)

Firstly I have a serious problem with one of the major premises of the show : Namely that boys with spiky highlighted hair and tight pants were allowed to sing in public and people would care rather than throw them with sh!t. This is blatantly absurd. Maybe that's alright for American or some other country caught up in the metrosexual revolution , but f#ck me sideways ....not here buddy ! No ....someone f#ck those kids up good and proper and don't stop until they stop crying and man up. Then give them a rugby ball and tell them to going find some f#cking mud to play in.

Jesus christ ...when I grew up we'd be mocked if we were soft enough to wear f#cking shoes. Now days it seems the new de-generation actually wear the f#cking thing willingly ! Not only that but it seems they actually differentiate between one type of shoe and another. What the f#ck is going on ? What are they ? Women ?

Speaking of the women.... or should I say....the biological women...

Now being able to sing isn't the only talent I appreciate. If you're roughly human shaped, mostly alive and have some form of orifice , provided you're more femine than a gumboot it's well documented fact that I'd probably try and shag you. However of the female finalists of the show I'd probably only have shagged the afrikaans one. And that's only because she sang a leonard cohen song. The only girl who could sing was the thin black one....and if you still need clarity as to which black girl I'm talking about you're either blind or American (everyone seems thin compared to Americans). The other black girl could sing too but for fuck sakes....that's hardly a talent when you've got your own cave system to echo your voice out of.

They even tried to pawn off a midget as a pop star ! Now I know that's not very nice of me and I don't mean to be mean spirited. It's just that you're never going to get away with a midget as a pop star. People would be all like...."look at the adorable little mic stand !". It's nothing personal and there's loads midgets can do. They can be like little fleshy drinks tables for example. And let's be honest the discrimation is by no ways a 1 way street. You just try apply for a job being tossed into velcro for recreation and see how far you get ! Heightism is rife my friends !

Talking about Heightism , the fucking giraffe in the room is of course the hostess. Now maybe I spend too much time in asia , but the hostesses I've become familiar with over there speak when they're spoken to. But not this bitch ! You're just recovering from the sonic ear massacre so called song one of the CUNTestants has rendered only to be bitch slapped by having to listen to this women. It's not that's she's unpleasant on the ear , it's just what she says ! Everything is a cliche. It's like an overgrown bart simpson doll except replace "eat my shorts" and "ai coromba" with something about "if you want to vote for".

Now passing of a midget as a contestant and a giraffe as a host is one thing....but a male Indian ? Now a female Indian contestant would be fantastic as Indian girls are often super hot (Viva la IPL)...but for me the experience of listening to music is greatly dimished by constantly having to ask myself "Ok ..what's this guys angle ? What does he want ? Where's the catch ? Fuck , how much does he expect me to pay for this shit ?"

Now settle down. I'm not saying all Indians are manipulative, money fixated, dishonest wheelers and deelers. I'm not saying that at all. I'm implying it.

Then there's the winner ....Sasha-Lee. Now Sasha is a pretty thing if you can overlook the fringe, which should be quite easy to overlook. However going by the competition in general one can't overlook the fact that the fringe is possibly fashioned to hide the mark of the beast , so it's potentially not such a small thing. She can sing alright too I suppose and I've got nothing against her in general. Legally anyway. Yet.

The judges were true to form. Gareth Cliff who is a half decent South African continues to associate himself with this show edging off his cool points day by day. But knowing Gareth as I do he's doing it for the money and p#ssy and that's pretty gansta so I'll let him pass. The fat grumpy guy f#cked off to Australia to join the rest of the miserable moaners of the country..don't forget your old south african flag you turncoat wanka ! Can't bothered to talk about the rest really.

So there you have it. I think a fair and balanced review of he revelry that made up South African pop idols 2009. I've had my say and It's over now. There's no more reason for us to fight and we can put all of this behind us. All I ask in return is this. :Don't do it again !

No comments: