The greatest Album/Album review of all time...

Everyone with a functioning brain knows , that a war of biblical proportions has been raging in the battle field of music these last years .

God and Satan had their bout , exchanged their blows , but now this is the main event .

Yes . I'm talking about the battle between Cristina Aguilera and humanity .

For years , Satan has sent his champions to invade us with their sonic , ear rape . Britney spears came and sent terror waves across the masses , breaking the metaphorical spine of the righteous . But we stood up , struggled and walked again .

Just just as our souls were coming out from their “physical therapy” , Satan hit will a crushing blow .

Cristina Aguilera releases her new album .

Yes , I think I speak for all that is good , when I say this was indeed our darkest day .I myself am not ashamed to say I wept . I actually writhe in agonizing pain just thinking about her song “Ain't another man” ....written not with notes , but rather razor blades . We all lost a little bit of our innocence that day , as if Cristina had amputated the children inside us .

For those of you lucky enough to have never heard “Ain't another man” , its sound can best be described by imaging Satan farting .Except so repulsive to the senses is this song , that it not only sounds like a satan spewed fart , but you can actually smell it's shitness . Yes . It is as if Cristina's mouth itself was merely a portal leading directly to Satans' bowels .

But just as all was lost . God , in all his gracious glory , saw fit to bless us with a warrior of our own .

Muses' album : Black Holes and Revelations .

Imagine your ears were vagina's , or some similar horny type of pleasure receptor . This album would fuck you in the ears . All night long . Hard .

Seriously . I'f your penis was an instrument , that was plucked and played by the perky mouths of hot women.....this is what it would sound like . Double seriously...if my penis wasn't so big....huge really , I's shag the Cd it's recorded on .

A little taste...knights of cydonia...

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