Rim jobs : Grimms forgotten tale

I'm not a prude .

I'm all for exploring my sexuality . Having a good look around the mother fucker .Heck , when it comes to exploring my sexuality I'm freaking David Livingston .

But what the hell has that got to do with sticking my tongue in your ass ?

I'm a simple man . I polarize my world pretty much in black and white . There are those things which are sexy .And there are those things which are not . I strongly propose the act of licking someones anus , falls very much in the latter .

Why then does German porn mock me thus ?

This is not the first time me and Germany have enjoyed a difference in opinion .One might describe a comparison of our world views as “diverse” . They for example saw fit to “ethnic cleanse” a certain group of people . I , rather , formulated the more liberal view that we should decimate everyone equally .

Starting with Australians "in case" we change our mind after about say , 20 million people in , of course .

Well , coming back to our good friend “Jerrie” , or “Fritz” or “Adolf”, or whatever the politically correct term for German is (I don't want to come across all racist) , seriously , those guys are jerks .

I propose a ethnic group of people, who's daily struggle against their existential crisis mainly involves Rim jobs , need perhaps reflect upon the hubris of their times . Furthermore , I propose if such a said nation (Germany) , was found to also consume the ear rape that is the music of David Hastlehoff , they should be “relocated".

Unfortunately Germany has been found guilty on both counts . Shall I prepare the trains ?

No , that won't work .You can't beat someone at their own game . It will have to be spaceships . The skin eating acid seas of Venus are lovely at this time of year . Off course Mr Hastlehoff will accompany them . I would suggest Australians too , but after living in Australia I fear the face melting horrors of venus will seem like a bit of a holiday .

Germany has done a few decent things . Claudia Shiffer's calender of 1997 saw me through some tough times . However I would never have needed the calender in the first place if I wasn't driving a Volkswagen , because I might even have gotten laid . You know what a Volkswagen is ? A hirsh ! Because driving one literally kills your sex life .And what is life without sex ? Being Swiss !A fate worse than death .

As I was saying there are some good things about Germany . But none of them is the Pope . I would love to have been a fly on the Vatican wall when they thought that up .

“Hey , let's help engage the alienated, vibrant ,cynical masses by electing a drooling geriatric member of a group of people who think David Hasstlehoff is cool !”

“Great idea ! ”

Oh man . I could forgive the catholic church for the crusades , the spanish inquisition , the scorge of child molestation etc , but this , oh holy god , this ?

Just shoot me .

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