The 1980's : Crap

I grew up in dark , dark times . It's wasn't quite the “black plague” or anything ....but it was just as traumatic : The 1980's .

The worst thing about being a child in the 1980's was of course the crap children's tv shows .Try as you may , who could forget the little blue minions of hell that were “the Smurfs" ?

"Flipper" (also known as " Stupid smiling fish with a hole in it")

When one considers that Dolphins are nothing more than gay sharks , one is reminded of a certain Dolphin named “flipper” . Except of course even for a dolphin flipper was extremely gay . Imagine that dolphins had TV shows , flipper would be the blonde guy in queer eye for the straight guy . He'd have the technology and he could rebuild you . Dry your tears . Well fuck you flipper ! Fuck you and your opinions on fashion !

Stupid flipper . Hey guys , I wonder how flipper will solve this weeks sea bound problem ? Maybe , just maybe , it will involve jumping high out the water . Or perhaps , just perhaps , he'll manipulate his environment using his nose . Mind blowingly it could involve a third option , flipper making annoying clicking dolphin noises . Wow , no wonder they made this show for kids . The fragile adult just couldn't handle it without mass over excitement fueled heart attacks

In fairness flipper was a “show” that ran from 1964-1967 , but thanks to S.A.B.C it was forced on my youth anyway . If it wasn't for Margot that slutty , sexy , flirty weather girl , I'd never have forgave them .

My little pony . (Also known as " Horn ass fuckers " )

My little pony wasn't a show so much a series of manipulative adverts used to market and a sell a product (I'm not actually joking) . That's all good and fine , as so was “He-man” . He-man however was awesome . The toys could do cool stuff like shag barbie and parachute . My little pony could only do crap girlie stuff like get it's mane and tail brushed . It's no wonder all you girls are so dumb with only that to stimulate your minds . I suppose My little ponies could do one cool thing , as I often demonstrated to the girls in my class : Melt . But even that they could only do once .

Then , in a cruel blow of fate I was banned from playing with fire .

Anyway , besides the toys being crap . the show was awful and basically about sex . God knows what they did with those horns .

Stupid 1980's . We should have killed it when we had the chance .

(T.B.C)